On Aging

I think a bit about aging these days and the things I dreamt of doing someday.  The amount of time I had to experience these dreams stretched out in front of me, the end date not on the horizon.

At 44, the end date is in sight. I'm realizing that many of these dreams will likely not be realized and accepting that this is okay.  What I have and what I will experience is enough. My life has been meaningful just as it is.

I had a visit from my childhood best friend last week, her husband, and her 17 year old son. We sat outside a burger joint, a perfect Seattle summer evening. It was warm enough for shorts, not so hot that it made you sweat and the daylight lasted till 9 p.m..

Like a scene from The Big Chill, we sat reminiscing, sharing stories and laughing like we did as kids, unrestrained and worry free. Her son politely tolerated what I can imagine was boring old people talk. He sat mostly silently looking around at the passerbyes. Eventually he excused himself to browse a record store. In him I felt my own eagerness at his age to break free, to make my mark, to live my own life. I felt the excitement and wonder of what may lie ahead for him, so many possibilities still available.

I wonder, how did it happen this change from youth to middle age? I look at my friend sitting across the table from me. Her hair is now long and silver but I still see her as I did when we were ten. I watch us as her husband tells a story. I see that we are the older people of my youth , having grown up conversations. I am awed and proud of who we have become. We are full people, richened by our life experiences. We are clay which has been molded, painted and put in the kiln. We are pieces of art, valuable, each with its own story worthy of appreciation.

At 17, her son is still softly formed clay. I wonder what he will become, what detailing life will etch into him, and what he will display after being put through the fire. I am content, then, to be where I am in life. I am enjoying my life just as it is and I'm ready to be enjoyed and valued just as I am.