I wrote this earlier this year while camping at Rock Island Campground in the Leavenworth area.

Will you meditate with me, Wise One?
Is this where you reside?
Are you inside of me or walking by my side?
Are you everywhere, by every tree I pass?
Waiting and watching, your patience outlasts.

I like that you are near me, never too far to hear my voice.
Of all that is good and wise, you make me feel deserving.
Tenderness, a gentle kiss, a forgiving heart, a kind goodbye.

With you I feel a rejoicing, a dance, a song of joy.
You're a parent, a friend, a breeze, a bird, a fire's flame, a kind word.
You're in the hardships, the lessons that I learn.
You spare me no part of you.  
Without the worst I wouldn't know the good that lives here too.

On Coincidence

Coincidence - I don't believe in this as a principal. We may mis-ascribe the meaning to seemingly random events, to happenstance, but I find meaning in everything that occurs in my life, even when at the time, I cannot imagine what meaning there could possibly be in particularly hurtful events.

By being open to the possibility that there is something to be learned, some meaning inherent, I never fail to see it in time. It requires trust in a power greater than myself. Often, in the most painful of circumstances I have said to God, "I cannot imagine what good can come from this hurtful experience. I can't fathom its purpose but I know you have a only good planned for me. So I trust that this is somehow for my benefit though I can't see it right now. I trust you and supplicate myself before you."

It is never long after I do this that I obtain an answer. I find the meaning and indeed, the reward exceeds the suffering. In this I am never disappointed. My higher power never disappoints, abandons or inflicts harm for harm's sake.

On Worthiness

I am discovering more and more how unworthy I believe I am of love. I see it in the way I sweeten the package (of myself) to make it more attractive.  It is sneaky,  in the same way as the disease of alcoholism and I am convinced that the codependent is suffering from the exact same disease where self deception and self-hate run the show like the wizard of Oz behind the curtain.

Recently I got to see how when I am attracted to someone I will default into flirtatious mode with innuendo.  I do this because I believe that on my own I am not interesting enough to attract someone or that if they knew who I really was,  they would turn away. 

I got to see how I use sexuality to try to trick someone into loving me.  It's only a matter of time before the sex fizzles though and you find little of substance or compatibility lying beneath it. 

I got to see how I will glob onto any characteristic the other has found attractive and use that to try to bring them closer, to  be ready to spend time with me now,  and not make me have to wait some undefined quantity of time.

I got to see my fear as just that and I get to give to my needy little person what she had sought from others through relationship. 

I am getting to feel her calming, being more at ease.  She is feeling the freedom to skip down the street, abandoning her post on the couch where she had sat turned facing the back looking out the window waiting with vigilance for the return of someone who once left without a word.

Today no one is leaving without a word.   Today someone has simply asked for some time, time she can use to build sand castles.